I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
