If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
