its not stalking. its research.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
