I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
