oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
