Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
