Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
