I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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