I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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