You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
