I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
