apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
