The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
