Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
either way he was missing a nipple.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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