I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
