Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
