I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
