people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
