I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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