I need help removing her.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
