Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
