I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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