Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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