I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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