I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
