Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
