Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
