Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I need to stop coming to work sober
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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