Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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