You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
