Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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