i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
