I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
