I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
