I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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