Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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