Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
