that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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