look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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