Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
