Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
