yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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