Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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