I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
