Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
