my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
