i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
