I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
