My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Im part way to drunk.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
