i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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