Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
