walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
