I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
