i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
id be glad to
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
