dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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