Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
