mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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